The Questions Expats Ask and the Ones They’re Afraid to Ask

When people move to a new country, there are questions they ask easily and often. How does the visa work? Where should I live? Which school is good? Where do people shop, eat, commute, socialise? These are safe questions. Practical questions. Questions that come with clear answers and very little risk. In Malaysia, most expats become very good at asking these quickly. There are forums, WhatsApp groups, relocation agents, and well-meaning friends who are happy to help.

Then there are the other questions. The ones people carry quietly. The ones they rehearse in their heads and then decide not to say out loud.

Questions about race. About religion. About class. About language. About why certain things feel sensitive, or why certain conversations suddenly go quiet. Questions like: Can I say this? Why did that land badly? Am I missing something important? Often these questions are not asked because of a lack of curiosity, but because of fear. Fear of offending. Fear of being judged. Fear of being seen as ignorant, insensitive, or worse, deliberately disrespectful. In a place as diverse and layered as Malaysia, that fear can be paralysing.

Many expats worry that asking the wrong question will confirm every stereotype about foreigners not “getting it”. So instead, they avoid the topic entirely. They stay on safe ground. Food. Travel. Traffic. Work. They learn what not to say, but not always what to say. Over time, this creates a strange gap. People live in Malaysia for years, speak about loving the country, yet feel anxious around the very topics that shape everyday life here. Silence becomes a coping mechanism, but it also limits understanding.

Language anxiety plays a role too. Even when English is widely spoken, people worry about tone, nuance, and unintended meaning. They hesitate to ask for clarification. They laugh along when they are confused. They nod when they are unsure. In Malaysia, where communication is often indirect and context-heavy, this can deepen the gap between what is said and what is understood. Politeness smooths interactions, but it can also hide confusion on both sides.

What often goes unspoken is that many Malaysians are also navigating these questions. They are aware of difference. They are used to code-switching, adjusting, and reading the room. But they are not mind readers. When questions are never asked, assumptions fill the space instead. This is how misunderstandings quietly harden into opinions. Not because people are unkind, but because they are cautious.

Navigating these topics respectfully in Malaysia is not about having the right words memorised. It is about intention and humility. About asking with the understanding that there may not be a single answer. About listening without rushing to defend or compare. About accepting correction without taking it personally. Respect here is not shown by silence, but by care. By timing. By recognising that some conversations are invitations, not demands.

At Malaysian Link, we see these unasked questions all the time. They sit just below the surface of “settling in”. Our work is not about giving people a script or promising perfect understanding. It is about creating space where curiosity is allowed, mistakes are part of the process, and learning happens in conversation rather than in isolation. Integration is not just about knowing how Malaysia works. It is about being willing to ask, gently and honestly, about the things that matter, even when they feel uncomfortable. Often, those are the questions that lead to the deepest connections.

📷: Nuraisyamsuzura Rozaidi