Food as a Malaysian Love Language 🍽️

In Malaysia, love often arrives not in words, but in tiffin carriers, takeaway packets, or steaming bowls placed gently in front of you. We may not always say "I love you" outright, but we will ask, "Sudah makan?" (Have you eaten?) with just as much care.

Food is, undeniably, a Malaysian love language.

It speaks across cultures, faiths, and languages. From Chinese New Year feasts to Hari Raya open houses, Deepavali sweets to Gawai gatherings, food is how we celebrate, connect, and show up for one another. A nasi lemak shared is more than just a meal — it's a gesture of inclusion, of warmth, of home.

For many Malaysians, acts of care are often wrapped in banana leaves or sealed in plastic bags tied with rubber bands. Your friend brings you teh ais 🧋 when you didn’t ask. Your mum packs an extra container of sambal even though you said you had enough. Your colleague says, "I tapau-ed for you," and you know you were thought of.

In our culture, hospitality is rarely a performance — it’s instinct. Guests are urged to eat more, try everything, and never leave hungry. Seconds (and thirds) are not only encouraged but expected. Refusing food might even be seen as slightly rude, not because we are easily offended, but because offering food is how we say, "You're welcome here."

Even grief is softened by food. When someone passes, neighbours send over trays of kuih and pots of bubur. When someone is sick, porridge appears, unasked. In times of joy and sorrow alike, food fills the spaces that words cannot.

For expatriates living in Malaysia, this can be a beautiful, if sometimes surprising, experience. A landlord might offer you durian. A taxi driver might insist you try his wife's curry puffs. Your neighbour leaves you pulut on your doorstep. It can feel deeply personal, sometimes overwhelming, but always generous.

To understand Malaysians, look at how we feed the people we love.

So the next time someone says, "Come, makan," don’t brush it off as just a casual invite. It might just be their way of saying, "I care."

And if you're wondering how to say "thank you" in return? Maybe start with kuih.

📷: Hapiz Rosli